Just Single
by Kiwi's IchiRukiLemoLimesFluffs
Summary: Rukia is an uptight single sexist who is unfortunately... a guy magnet. Ichigo is a carefree single guy with big dreams but his personality reeks of girl repellant. What is to become of this situation? ...Especially when life is throwing more than just lemons? How about a compulsive, persistent older sister will try anything to get these two together... no matter what it takes!
1. Awkward

This probably has no potential or promise but I'll continue for the hell of it. Lol.

**Just Single**

Ch. – 1 – Awkward

There was two things Rukia hated right now— her pants that her sister gave her… and running errands in those pants. They were given to her on her birthday and from day one, she decided that she would never wear them. That would be final if only Hisana didn't come over to help her with her current overbearing problem. But today was laundry day and those were the only pair of jeans she had available. From this morning she had silently put up with wedgies and ride ups from her unhip jeans. Fate right?

Rukia tried to walk casually into the hardware store as Hisana began speaking. "Surely we will find where the doors are…"She spoke in a calm voice, carrying her large purse in one hand and Rukia's wrist in the other.

Did hardware stores have doors for sale? That would be weird right? Rukia just sighed. Aside of her door just abruptly breaking down, her sister was about to ask the weirdest question. Hisana held on to her tightly. If she let her go, she'd disappear in an instant. Rukia had put this off for way too long anyway and she worried that her sister would get robbed if her door wasn't fixed. "Couldn't we just see if we can find it on our own?" Rukia wiggled in her high water sparkling jeans.

"Excuse me sir…" Hisana tapped a random stranger.

It was a male with earphones in his ears who seemed to be in his own world. That was more indication that he didn't want to be bothered. Yet, Hisana just _had_ to get his attention. She pecked at his shoulder some more until he removed his earphones. "Hi, we are looking for a door to replace the old one. Might you have one available?" Hisana paused, looking at the sales associate, who seemed confused. He didn't even look like he wanted to help. In fact he sighed as he took off his earphones. "A wha?" the man raised a brow, raking through his short orange hair.

"My door is broken." Rukia answered. "It won't lock." Clearly they could just change the locks, couldn't they? However, her landlord strongly believed in changing the whole darn thing if one part didn't work. Her sister smiled, finally letting go of Rukia's wrist.

"Yes. Weird right?" Hisana added.

The man nodded as a matter-of-factly, "OH…_ doors_…" of course Hisana talked so quietly he couldn't hear her. Rukia didn't even wanna know what he thought she said… "On aisle five." The man turned around, putting on his earphones, and started stocking shelves again. _Rude._ But Rukia took that opportunity to grab her sister and flee. She should have known that it wasn't going to be that easy.

Hisana pecked at the _now_ annoyed man again, "And where is that?" he turned back around, frowning this time.

He pulled out one earphone this time. "Huh?"

"Can you show us?" Her sister asked again.

"Come on, Hisana I'm sure… we find it." she tugged on the woman, "…we can count…"

"This way." The orange haired man sauntered off and Hisana trotted behind him.

"Come Rukia."

Rukia rolled her eyes, waiting until this freakishly orange haired man was a few feet from them. "We could have found it… eventually." She whispered. "He doesn't seem very friendly." She could tell by his perfect frown.

"Oh please, Rukia." Hisana spat back, "It would have taken us years. And he seems like a nice man." The sales associate turned back, almost suspecting that the _twins_ were talking crap about him. They pulled straight faces and Hisana began to smile instantly.

"Here you go." the man stopped in front of the wall of wooden doors— not really sure on why they would want a whole door for but eh— the hell right? "Anything else?" since he was here, he might as well ask. If not, this woman would peck on him and he really didn't want to lose his job for yelling at her. Plus yelling at her felt like animal abuse so he waited patiently.

"Yes thank you for asking… erm…" Rukia's sister glared at the man's name tag, "Err… _Ichigo_. Actually we need to find the right one. It has to match her condo. The landlord said so…" Hisana beamed a smile.

Rukia rolled her eyes again. "But if we can't, we will go somewhere else. It's fine."

"To find the right one you need a barcode." Ichigo replied already annoyed that his woman was calling him by his name now.

"Okay… thanks." Rukia attempted to grab for her sister, giving an apologetic sigh to the poor guy.

"No wait Rukia. Couldn't we just find one just like it?" Hisana glanced at Ichigo, "You can see why this would worry me."

"I could?" Ichigo raised a brow.

"Seriously?" Rukia frowned.

"Well wouldn't you be worried?" Hisana turned to her sister, "I mean look her, and she's a small defenseless woman living on her own with a broken door? She's single and lives all alone." Hisana admitted calmly. "She hasn't had boyfriend since middle school and she is twenty- nine."

"Wow… really?" Rukia let go of her sister hand. Hisana was worried about her not being safe in her own home yet she tells a complete stranger that her sister is single and lives alone…

Who knows what went on Ichigo's head but his demeanor completely changed. "Ma'am, don't worry. Tell me what kind of door it is and I'll find it."

"Well Rukia— go on…" the eyes of her sister and this now interested fellow were gleaming at her.

She couldn't redeem herself so why even bother, "It's a green, single French door with brass locks and handle."

Ichigo found it just like that. He pulled out a note pad. "How about giving me an address…"

Rukia's eyes widened, "Um excuse me?"

"I said, your address? That particular door you want is unfortunately sold out. I'll have to order you a new one and have it delivered to your home." He explained.

Of course. Duh. Why would a stranger just blatantly ask where she lived? Rukia grabbed the pen and paper and began to scribble.

"So Ichigo." Hisana spoke calmly, gazing at the orange haired male, who looked up from glancing at the midget. "Are you single?"

"Hookay! Hisana… wasn't there something you came here for as well? Hm?" Rukia growled, "Wasn't it some light bulbs and rope?" a light bulb went off in her older sister's head.

"Oh just light bulbs." Her sister replied obliviously.

Ichigo stared deadpan. "Other side of this wall."

"I'll leave you to the door situation…" and just like that the older woman ambled away, leaving the two birds staring at each other for what it seemed like a long while. Both didn't dare to think of what the other one was thinking. However, both could agree that Hisana was annoying.

"Ahem. Well— back to your door ma'am." Ichigo broke the silence, raking another hand through his spiky locks.

"Right— here." Rukia handed the employee his note pad.

"So…" Ichigo awkwardly uttered as Rukia quickly averted her gaze, "Is that your mom?"

"No… Sister." Rukia blushed, "I'm really sorry. She attends to create unnerving moments."

"And… spill personal information." Ichigo added with a small warming smile, inducing Rukia to blush even more.

"Sorry." She sighed. "Like I said… unnerving."

"Nah it's okay." He began setting up the order on his portable computer tablet. "I am single by the way. So you're not alone." He didn't look up to watch Rukia's expression. However, he was sure it was a stunned one.

Rukia couldn't figure out why he said it but she picked out the annoying mega wedgie out of her butt before he caught her.

The man finally glanced up. Perhaps he should explain himself. "Not flirting." He uttered quickly, "Just being really honest."

"Oh…"

"I just noticed how uncomfortable you were." She was doing a nervous dance— a pee dance in slow mo. "So… eh… I wanted to explain myself…" He added, this time nervously. Almost like he had said too much.

Really Rukia was over that now. Hisana was coming back to other side with a few packages of light bulbs. "No nothing that you said. It just my pants won't stay up." Ichigo blinked twice at her pants. What a perv for looking. "Eh, I mean…. Well…" she flushed again, "That wasn't flirting either… that sounded really wrong and…"

"Relax." Ichigo printed off her receipt and tore it from his tablet, "If _that's _flirting, I don't want to live on this planet anymore."

"Oh…" _Phew._ Rukia's thoughts were at rest until she realized something, "Wait… did you just… insult me?"

"Insult you?" Ichigo blinked, "I don't even know—"

"Rukia are you ready…?" Her sister asked, grinning at both birds.

If Rukia ever wondered why she was single, perhaps she took things way too seriously. "Yeah. More than ready." Rukia whirled around walking like an uncomfortable cowboy. _Jerk._ I'm a great at flirting— who the _hell _does he think he is?

"Thank you very much, Ichigo. For all your help." Hisana bowed prancing after her sister. _"…Rukia, he's a nice guy isn't he?"_

"…_No."_

"Ya. Sure…" however, if he ever wondered why he_ was_ single, that would be the golden reason why— his stupid egoistical sarcastic remarks that happened to act so famously in repelling the opposite sex without even trying. "Meh…. Who cares?" Ichigo placed his earphones on again, the Jpop settling back into his eardrums, separating him from the world. "It's not like I will ever see her again…"

OR… _would he?_

Ichigo shook head, traveling back to his department.

_Nah._


	2. Miss Mary Hisana Poppins

Things to know.

1. It's okay to take my writing seriously, however my jokes should never be taken out of context, or literately. No one has… I'm just saying it.

_2. Fasian_ is a word I made up for this story— means false Asian— just threw in the word Asian and added an F, pure laziness, really.

3. Ask any questions, if you have. I allow little spoilers just not giant summary reviews. No one has done that yet. (At least on this fic.)

4. And last but not least enjoy. Chapters will be longer. I'm just taking it easy right now.

* * *

Ch. – 2 – Miss Mary Hisana Poppins

The next day wasn't any better.

"Rukia wake up…" Hisana shook her shoulder. "Please wake up..." She extended her arm to flick Rukia's button nose. "That'll get her..." But the only thing that did was make her nose twitch and turn over. Hisana still tried to win her over with her lovely offers. "Rukia I made breakfast."

A few delayed seconds later, Hisana could hear her younger, bratty sister whisper softly (And I'll even go as far as to say, "Quite _sweetly_"), "_That's nice_…" and then turned over again.

The older woman pouted, stomping her feet. "Rukia, I'm so ashamed... you won't even get up for my famous, mouthwatering, hot breakfast," She uttered sadly, "…And it's high protein— low carb hot breakfast. 9.3 carbs to be exact. You love that, don't you?" When Rukia didn't answer, Hisana pretended to start crying, "Rukia…" Sniff, "I need your help… I've fallen and I can't get up…" still nothing, "Rukia, I'm dying…"

Nothing…

"Pitiful." She sighed loudly, deciding to walk out before catching another idea. The light bulb flickered on in her as she whipped around, "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE GETTING ROBBED!"

Rukia almost jumps up off the bed. "WHAT!" She sat up looking straight for the broken door only to find an angry Hisana in front of her, in her room, tapping her foot sternly. "What gives huh? Can't I sleep before my whole day gets devoured by you…?"

"Number one— no. It's breakfast." Hisana frowned, finally holding up two fingers, "And two— you weren't sleeping, you just didn't care. Especially after me, your dear lovely sister, had just indicated that she was falling and dying!" Rukia pulled the covers over her head. Hisana grimaced, pulling the covers back down with force, "AND it serves you well that I, what you call, _devour_ your day because _you_ wouldn't have a single clue of what to do with it…"

"I could sleep." Rukia muttered underneath her forearm trying to ignore this crazy woman, "Just an hour would be great…" Finally the small woman stood up and ambled to the bathroom.

"Absolutely not. I've made breakfast. It's healthy and you need healthy. You must eat a lot of junk food. You have gotten bigger from the last time I saw you." Hisana didn't budge as Rukia fled from the bathroom. If calling Rukia fat would get her up faster then fine.

"BIGGER?" the little woman blinked. "I DON'T EVEN EAT JUNK FOOD!" _Chappy powdered donuts didn't count, damn it!_

"Mhm. Well, since I saw you last, it looks like you have…" Hisana smiled as the other woman stood with her face to face, eventually pulling out a toothbrush and swung it with protest.

"Oh sure…" Rukia mocked Hisana's usual _Mary Poppins_ expressions. "When I last saw you… _bleh, bleh, bleh_… Like you would know…"

"Yup." Hisana saw no harm it. In fact, she walked towards the door merely pleased… "Exactly, one year, seven months, twenty- one days ago." She watched Rukia roll her eyes. Maybe Rukia realized that she couldn't win that fight. (I mean come on really? It's not like Rukia would know…)

* * *

Breakfast wasn't a lie. Everything looked great and Rukia could tell that her sister really out did herself— as always. Plates, silverware, napkins— everything was neat, nice and folded elegantly. It was as if she snapped her fingers and everything set up to her command with her lifting a finger. Hisana placed a hot plate of neatly fried eggs and bacon (inches apart, not touching) in front of Rukia, followed by a bowl of extremely low-carbed brown rice. "What's that?" Rukia blinked at the bowl of brown _something_. Her eyes fluttered, realizing how stupid she sounded.

"You've lived in America for how long now, and don't know what brown rice is?" Hisana giggled, turning around to finish making breakfast. "I guess all that junk food would stray someone from good clean eating…"

Rukia sunk down into her chair. Hisana looked like someone that eat well too but she wasn't reminding her and burdening her about it. Even if she did, it wouldn't ruin Hisana in the way it did her. If Rukia ever said she looked bigger, Hisana would get both of them on an exercise plan and a strict diet for as long as they were able to breath/ stand it. And on Rukia's life and everything she loved, she couldn't give up her Chappy powdered donuts. NO FUCKING WAY!

Back on subject though, it had been three years since Rukia moved to America. Hisana helped her with admissions for a proper college and a wonderful off campus condo to stay in— even till this day. But the point was… being here for three years and still wasn't familiar with the food. Guess she stuck with _fasian _stores of Chinatown, Manhattan, New York. Well all of them weren't _fasian_ stores. Some actually stayed within the Asian tradition and were worth going into.

Hisana had turned around for an answer. "Well?"

Rukia blinked, raising back up, "I don't eat junk food." She glared at the bowl. It _did_ kinda look like rice… and it _was_… brown— duh. "And I know that it's brown rice." She answered. Hopefully she won that battle. Hisana humphed and turned around. "All my friends fix it all the time, so of course I know what it is…"

"Well it took you long enough." Hisana shook her head. What she really wanted to ask was, _Rukia, What friends?_ However, she let that one go.

"Well. You cooked it weird. I had to wonder." Rukia spat back.

Hisana whipped around again, a wooden spoon waving back and forth in protest, "What? I cooked it weird?" She was little Miss Perfect— Mary Poppins— overachiever… Hell, Mary Poppins wished she was her! Hisana put her spoon down calmly and elegantly, then rested a hand under her chin, "So how do you cook rice, huh Sis?" Rukia couldn't cook! She would be starving if she wasn't here making a good breakfast…

Rukia was about to retaliate but she was stopped by the doorbell. Hisana folded her apron neatly and paced to the door, "I think the guys are here with your door. Oh splendid." Of course she was right as always. As they shouted delivery, Hisana tugged on the hold door to open it. Two tough men came in carrying a door of some kind. "Hello there."

One of the guys tipped their hat, "Morning ma'am. We have come to install the door you ordered?"

"Yes my sister's door is broken, we have unscrewed the hinges— you are free to take it away." Rukia's sister answered. "Once you're finished that is…"

"Of course." The man answered. "We will have it fixed in no time."

"Good." Hisana always had to have the last word. She turned into the small kitchen. "As I was saying… Rukia how do you cook your rice…" She turned once more to see Rukia staring evilly back at her. "Oh mean your _friends_… how do they cook it…"

Rukia sighed, fairly fatigued. "Really? Can't you just drop pointless discussions?" Especially when outside people come into her home?

"I don't think it's pointless… It's a chance to correct my wrong doing or how you say in America, _my bad_…" her sister uttered, "You said it looked weird, so I wanna know to make better since you're the rice expertise, here…"

"You don't have to be an expertise to see that clearly looks like poop." Hisana gasped, eyes widening as if she had seen a ghost. Rukia raised a hand, her way of reassuring her, "BUT! I ate it… it was good, tasted like rice… so drop it."

Hisana bit her lip. "This why your single Rukia… You are so mean."

If the men weren't ever paying attention, Rukia had the feeling that they were now. "Again can we talk about this another time." She pleaded. "_Please_…"

"Single, ungrateful _and _rude…" Hisana placed a hand on her heart, "Damn, I should have gotten that boy's number…"

Rukia blinked twice. "Huh?"

"Oh yes," her sister continued, "I see the problem. You need a mate and I will get you one…" she paced around in the kitchen, beating herself up— if only she would have known sooner. Rukia was sure that the men were fully listening now. In fact they stopped to actually join in the conversation.

"No… Hisana don't." Rukia scowled, "My life is fine the way it is…" She narrowed her eyes at the two guys before they pulled straight faces, "Even better _men free_…." That's right, they better not have had any ideas!

"Um excuse me…" one guy said before he was rudely cut off by Hisana. "Now what's wrong with them…? They are handsome aren't they?" She asked.

"…Excuse me?"

"NO!" Rukia boldly admitted, "Not them… not that orange head at the stupid hardware store! No one! You got that? NO… _ONE_!"

It was so silent, you could hear a pencil drop. Everyone— Rukia— Hisana — the two men— they all looked at each other. It was a load off Rukia's shoulder though. She could take Hisana visiting her and ruining her life every once or twice a year. Sure she would let Hisana run things her way and rack her lifestyle. BUT she wouldn't let Hisana take over her love life. That was off limits.

However the poor guy tried one more time, breaking the moment, he cleared his throat and started again. "Excuse… m-me…?"

"What?" Both women growled.

"Well uh…" the second guy laughed nervously, "The door doesn't fit."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE DOOR DOESN'T FIT?" The women yelped in some creepy synchronizing formation that made them both look at each other in annoyance.

"We got the right barcode didn't we?" Hisana pouted, "That lovely man helped us back at the store. How could anything go wrong?" But looking at the door the men brought in, both ladies could see that it wasn't the same door. It wasn't even French.

"Simple. That _lovely man_… was an idiot." Rukia sighed. "What do we do now…?" she wondered, staring at the two men. "I'm out of a door, now."

"Probably gonna have to go back to the hardware store and get the right barcode."

"Great…" Rukia frowned at both men, snatching the information from them. Her eyes searched the paper for a barcode and once she found it, she headed towards the old door. "You're _lovely man_…" Rukia emphasized, "…Got the last four digits all mixed up. Not only he's an idiot, he's a dyslexic idiot." And all men were idiots anyway.

"I'm sure it was just a mistake." Hisana pleaded.

"Oh please. Men are about as troublesome as a lawn mower. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work." Rukia cooed as the men pulled straight faces again, "And now my door doesn't work…"

* * *

Well Rukia found herself back at the store. She was alone and this time, in much comfortable pants. Hisana couldn't come this time because she had to run other errands. Contently, Rukia walked into the store, still pissed that she had to come back a second time. She avoided going back to the door aisle or any other aisle that orange haired guy might be lurking within. She found a woman at the front desk of the customer service and kindly uttered. "Hello?"

"Yes ma'am?"

"I was here yesterday, ordering a door. Yet the door that came today was the wrong thing." Rukia handed the receipt to the woman.

"Oh I can help with that. Hold on…" the woman dialed a number and connected with the back of the store. "I'm sending a young lady your way. It's something about not getting the correct door delivered to her."

Rukia would have mentioned to not have the same guy that helped her in the first place. However the phone conversation ended before she could say a thing more. "Okay. You go all the way to the back of the store— you'll see fridges to your right… then take a quick left. …He's waiting for you."


End file.
